People Spotting

After flying tourists around Botswana for the past few months I have noticed that they can be put into one of the following groups:

1.)Camera Crazy : Spilt into two sub species

a.) Cam Hands : Can be seen with some sort of camera in hand at all times, known to have taken more pictures than seconds in a day

b.) Look How Big Mine Is : This is a rare species that tend to be found crouching close to the ground at twilight hours of the day and have a habit of keeping one eye closed at all times, solitary creatures but have been known to find life time mating partners

2.) Africa Aunties : Have a very distinct call of "Oh My Gosh" when in larger herds, easily recognized by the wine glass in hand and painted faces

3.) OAT/Old Ass Tourists/Old And Trembly's/Old And Tired : Kicked out from other herds and form groups of between 10 and 20. Very well known for their lack of teeth,walking sticks and constant excitement at seeing anything with four legs, including cattle.

4.) Negative Nancys : Females that have a very high pitched call which can go on for hours if their nests are not quite right, a very close cousin to the African Aunties. Fainting spontaneously is not uncommon

5.) Money? Whaaaaaat : You will know when you have seen one of these when you see between 6 and 8 minions tending to their every needs

6.) Ze Germenz : bespectacled with a checklist in hand, known to consume large amounts of red wine

7.) Free Riders/Travel Agents : Nocturnal animals which consume large amounts of alcohol. Specialize in stealing shampoos,soaps and pretty much anything of value

8.) Family foursome : Mating couple with their young who have not learnt the ability to smile

9.) You : Squint eyed and hoard large amounts of food from their home country (Haha got you)

10.) Mr and Mrs I have been coming here before the wildlife was even here: Easy to distinguish as they will tell you so.

11.) Khaki Kings/Walking Cape Union Mart : From the hiking shoes to the mosquito net around their faces, these guys are the most common visitor to Botswana and are usually seen in mating pairs easily distinguished by the binoculars dangling from their necks

Jokes aside, majority of this people are awesome people

Pretty Tree in the Makgadikgadi National Park

I Think I May Have a Thing for Trees

A Tree Shaped Person

Comments

Sup man

Soooo this is a blog and not a porn site, so for all the perverts out there, it's time to make like a donkey dick aaaaaaaand hit the road, as someone from Botswana would say. My name is Pat but I go by many a name such as P dizzle (gangster name), Pat me groin (Scottish /I'm not too sure name), Patches O'hoolahan (dodgeball name), Patrice(when I'm dressed in ladies clothes name, wait , maybe that's not the best thing to put out there on the Internet) and Veej(family name). The list goes on but I won't bore you with more names and my weird dressing habits. I fly planes in the land of donkeys and cows, Botswana. Which is why I have started a blog as I'm sure there will be some memorable moments. So here's a quick story about a mate of mine. Let's call him George. George is a pilot and was doing an hour and a half flight from the Linyanti to a place called Kasane(See very detailed map below). On this flight his stomach started to give him signals that

Top 5 Things Guest Say

Just a list of things guests say before getting on small aircraft and the pilot's usual sarcastic replies 1.)Is this your first flight? Yip, let's see how it goes hey 2.)Does this plane have a parachute? Yes, but unfortunately only under the pilot's seat 3.)Do you know where you're going? Not a clue, let's just take off and hope for the best 4.)Will you be serving in flight snacks? Yes, you can feast your eyes on the beautiful views outside 5.)Can I fly the plane? You might have to if I fall asleep Nope, I haven't just devoured an entire Impala How to handle the heat in Maun Old and Trembleys hiding from a Dust Devil

How to tell if an Expat has been in Maun for awhile

They can maintain a conversation with a Motswana by mere grunts for two minutes, words are for the weak! They know when Woolworth's gets their weekly delivery and they are not afraid to fight to the death with a Maun mommy over schnitzels or cherry tomatoes When opening the local sparkling water it does not squirt all over you. This test dates back to when the Bushmen needed to determine if someone was from the area or not, this is why you always see them running away (from the exploding sparkling water) in the bushman paintings They hold hands when speaking to a Motswana They have acquired the one handed mosquito catch skill, a skill to have when your other hand is preoccupied (with holding another guy's hand, with catching another mosquito or you're just too lazy to lift up your other hand) Their driving technique has been finely adapted to the animal hazards on the road. When seeing stray dogs you hover your foot over the brake pedal, you maintain speed when

Paddy Gone Wild

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